fake smiles, real tears
so many things in so little time,
how do you deal, what do you do?
all of these things taking much of your mind,
storming, swarming, confusing, consuming,
making it hard to live, to be.
one problem ends, another begins,
when did this start? will it ever end?
when can i be me again?
i'm tired of going around pretending
i'm just like everyone else.
fake smiles fade, real tears begin
when no one else is there.
if they saw me now, would they believe
that this is what they never see?
that this is really the real me?
this mess of a girl they've never known,
the one who no one wants to know.

Friday, Dec. 06, 2002 - 4:22 pm

Heart Shaped Box

Last Five
to know you - Sunday, May 01, 2005
..? - Sunday, Apr. 03, 2005
something's gotta give. - Wednesday, Jul. 28, 2004
taken away - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004
what is love? - Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004

Buddies
%%buddy_list%%

Playlist
+ wind's nocturne from lunar: the silver star story
+ heart shaped box // evanescence
+ valentine // martina mcbride
+ don't stop dancing // creed
+ screaming infidelities // dashboard confessional
+ you were mine // dixie chicks
+ slow down // ben jelen
+ dare you to move // switchfoot
+ fukai mori // do as infinity
+ breathe no more // evanescence
+ gravity of love // enigma
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Diaryland

Girl
landa; eighteen; lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
Loves
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.

Hates
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.