-
i know i'm there, i see myself,
i'm still breathing, i'm still flesh and blood,
but it's like they see right through me
like i'm not there, long time gone.
i'm on the outside looking in on them
having fun, going out, watching movies.
it makes me wonder what would change
if i were no longer here for some reason.
would anything change?
would there just be one less to fit in the car?
one less person to plan things around?
would they even notice i'd gone..?

i can't make myself stop thinking about it
but i know i need to before i do something drastic.
stop thinking that, no sharp things allowed,
you're not stealing the truck and wrecking it,
you're not gonna go look for some rope,
no laying down in the middle of the street,
you know that they'll care if you're gone...
especially if you go out like that.
you wouldn't just be hurting yourself this time,
you'd be hurting the ones you love more.
sure, you'd be gone, but they'd have to deal with that
and you don't want to cause them pain.

the funny thing is,
that's exactly what they're doing now.
they don't see it, nor will they ever,
but they're acting as if i'm not even there...
at least when we're all together.
seperately, i know they'll all care.
but how can i let this go on any longer?
i won't... i'll find a way to make them see.
for two, it will be pretty easy to explain,
the others... i don't even want to go there.
here's hoping that they'll care enough to listen...

Wednesday, Jun. 04, 2003 - 1:42 pm

Heart Shaped Box

Last Five
to know you - Sunday, May 01, 2005
..? - Sunday, Apr. 03, 2005
something's gotta give. - Wednesday, Jul. 28, 2004
taken away - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004
what is love? - Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004

Buddies
%%buddy_list%%

Playlist
+ wind's nocturne from lunar: the silver star story
+ heart shaped box // evanescence
+ valentine // martina mcbride
+ don't stop dancing // creed
+ screaming infidelities // dashboard confessional
+ you were mine // dixie chicks
+ slow down // ben jelen
+ dare you to move // switchfoot
+ fukai mori // do as infinity
+ breathe no more // evanescence
+ gravity of love // enigma
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Diaryland

Girl
landa; eighteen; lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
Loves
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.

Hates
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.